


My little owl, why do you cry?

by bri_ghtly



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Character Death, M/M, THIS IS DEPRESSING, Terminal Illnesses, don't read this if you're not in the mood to be sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:29:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28870083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bri_ghtly/pseuds/bri_ghtly
Summary: Soul marks only disappear when your soulmate dies.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	My little owl, why do you cry?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!!  
> Honestly don't know how I had the mental capacity to write this and I'm sorry in advance.   
> Also don't listen to Fourth of July by Sufjan Stevens while you read this because you'll probably cry. But also if you want to add to the trauma do it.

“Hey man, what’s-“

“It’s gone.” Bokuto quickly interrupts Kuroo, the panic that had been overwhelming him leaking into his voice.

“What’s gone? What are you talking about?”

“My-. It-. It was there this morning. I don’t know what happened.” Bokuto’s voice cracks as he tries to explain. His eye’s gets watery as he checks his body in the mirror.

“Bokuto, bro. Calm down. What are you talking about?”

“My soul mark. It’s gone.” Bokuto breaks as he admits the words over the phone. The tears that had been filling his eye’s leak out and he reaches a hand up to his mouth to try and stifle the sobbing noise that is threatening to leave his mouth.

Everyone knows what a soul mark disappearing means.

Soul marks only disappear when your soulmate dies. Bokuto squeezes his eyes shut tightly and sinks down to sit on his bedroom floor.

The phone in his hand falls to the ground and Bokuto can faintly hear Kuroo calling his name.

He ignores it as he rests his face in his hands, crying into them.

He hasn’t even met his soulmate, how could they be dead? How could they be soulmates if they never even met?

It feel’s strange to be mourning someone he’s never met but Bokuto cries for his own future. The fact he’ll never be able to experience living a long life with someone you’re destined to love. The fact he’ll never be able to hold the person he knows was made for him, to love them with everything he has.

Bokuto looks down at his chest again, looking right at the center where his soul mark used to lie. It had been a small volleyball with the number five next to it. The mark is gone now, not even a scar left in its place.

Bokuto places a hand on his chest and clenches it tightly trying to calm himself down.

The tears still fall from his eyes and they continue to fall when Kuroo arrives at his house. Kenma in tow behind him, both of them out of breath from getting to Bokuto as quickly as they could.

As soon as Bokuto opens the door Kuroo looks down to Bokuto’s bare chest. Kuroo walks forward to wrap him up in a hug, reaching back to grab Kenma and wrap him up in the hug as well.

“I’m so sorry Bokuto-san.” Kenma mumbles where he’s pressed into Bokuto’s side.

Bokuto’s legs give out and he crumbles, Kuroo supports his weight as he gently falls to the floor.

Breathing seems to be the only thing Akaashi has the energy to do today. Just try to pull one breath in after another.

He knows it’s getting close. That elusive, inevitable thing that he’d been trying to avoid since he’d been told almost a year ago that he wouldn’t survive the next few months, even with treatment.

He’d someone managed to hold on for much longer than the doctors had expected, fighting tooth and nail to make it to a new day.

But he knows it’s close now, feel’s it in his tired body. In the way his family is around his bed, taking turns holding his hand and smoothing his hair off his forehead.

He’d tried to accept the fact he would die in the very near future and he thought he had until he’d realized just how close it was. And that there was no time left now.

“Mum.” He manages to breath out between gasping breathes. “I’m scared.” He admits, finally giving voice to what he’d been trying to hold back for months. The fact that he was terrified of what came next. He’s not sure what he wants it to be, part of him hopes for nothingness, like being asleep. Another part of him isn’t ready to say goodbye to his life yet, to not be able to watch his family and friends grow up and be happy.

His mum sobs and leans into his neck.

“I know, sweetheart. But you’re so strong. You’ve always been so strong. I love you so much. You can let go, you don’t have to be scared. We’ll be here with you.”

Akaashi closes his eyes, his breathing getting harder by the minute.

“I love you.” He manages to get out around desperate breathes.

He hears crying around him, but it’s distant.

He tries not to think about all the things he’s missed out on but his mind strays there regardless.

He thinks of what his soulmate might have been like. His biggest regret may be that he’ll never get to meet them. He had spent hours at the aviary at his local zoo. The owl on his chest the only hint that he had. He’d probably looked creepy as he’d looked at every face that walked past, sure that when it was his soulmate he’d know.

He wonders what they would have been like, if they were tall or short, if they ate an Oreo in one bite or if they pulled the top off to lick the cream. He wonders what it would have felt like to hold them at nighttime. He wonder’s how they would have loved him. If they would have been careful with their love or if they would have been loud and brash with it.

Akaashi sends out a silent apology to them. He tells them he’s sorry he won’t ever be able to meet them, that he won’t get to kiss them or love them. He hopes his soul mate will be alright eventually. That they’ll learn to live their life without Akaashi in it.

Akaashi talks another gasping breath, too exhausted to winch at the pain that laces through his body.

He’s so tired.

He takes another breath but it’s difficult and his lungs fight against him. He feels a tear leak from his closed eye and run down his face.

And when he goes to take another breath, he finds he can’t. His body has finally given in. He doesn’t have the energy to fight against the inevitable any longer. He tries to squeeze his mother’s hand but he think’s he only succeeds in moving the tip of his finger.

When his brain starts to go blank and the pain in his body eases he doesn’t fight it.

Death is not as scary at the brink of it. It’s like welcoming an old friend as it consumes him. Akaashi doesn’t have the strength to fight it, he lets go.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you're all ok.   
> I'm sorry again!!  
> This one hurt to write.   
> Any kudos are super appreciated and people who leave comments literally make my day. I love hearing your thoughts.   
> Come say hi on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/bri_ghtly2) if you'd like.


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